I was talking with a fellow passenger on an airplane last week, who was telling me about one of his executives. This executive was a total workaholic. He did not take any vacations, until finally in the fall he began to take Mondays off because the company “strongly encouraged” it. When asked why he did not take his wife on a vacation he replied “why on earth would I want to do that?”

A month ago they laid him off along with a lot of other senior management. At age 61 his anguish is predictable. He has given his life to this company, and it is the only life he knows. Now he is in a real pickle. He is naturally mad, and totally disoriented. He has a lot to overcome before he is even in the right space to look for another executive position. What will he do the first day at home? The second? Will he anguish about what he could have done differently — to save his job?

Very sad — but not as uncommon as we would like to think. Yes, this executive is on the extreme side. Many of you delight in taking vacations with your wife and family. But even then sometimes business is never far away. Most of you only take a week at a time, and very few of you have taken more than two weeks in one stretch. Family vacations not interrupted by conference calls are rare. Why? Is it because the business cannot get along without you, or because like this executive you cannot get along without the business?

It brings us to a key question — whether your career is giving back as much as it takes? Some of us can really say that we absolutely love what we do and who we do it for, and that is why we choose to spend so much time there. Kudos if you are one of the lucky ones. Most are more in the camp of its a job, and its a good thing to have a job — but I don’t love it. Since 70% of Americans indicate that they plan to look for a new job when the economy improves this is likely the much bigger camp.

How do we measure whether your career is giving back as much as it takes? Part of that measure is your assessment, and part is your family’s point of view. For yourself: Are you excited about what you are doing? Are you energized on Sunday nights as you get your mind into the week? Would you want your children to follow in your footsteps? Have you made a difference? If something happened to you tomorrow would you be proud of your legacy?

Your family has different measures. Are they ever most important, or is work always the top priority? One obvious signal is whether family vacations are frequently interrupted by conference calls or other work priorities? Is the executive they see at home playful and spirited — or tense and tired? Do they worry about your health — from stress and business entertaining? Do they sense that you are doing this for yourself, or for them? Are they as proud of you as you are of yourself?

Half of ChapterTwo’s Clients are Planning Ahead. Some of them are enjoying a role that gives back as much as it takes – but accept that the best role in the world will end at some point. Some just want to do something different next — to stay fresh and energized. Some do not like their own answers to the questions above — and want to be proactive about designing a change on their terms. But they also want to protect their families and won’t leave until they have a better answer. We’ve noticed that just beginning the process of Planning Ahead reduces anxiety — which reduces stress. It becomes energizing, and results in looking forward to the future instead of fearing the future. The families of our Clients frequently thank us. One said “I don’t know what you did to my husband, but thank you and keep doing it”.

As we approach the holiday season and the time for New Year’s resolutions think about those you care about, and perhaps even yourself. Would Planning Ahead be helpful? What stops your friends from beginning that journey? We are just a phone call away, and would be delighted to expand on these thoughts and questions.

– Jim Deupree