The Joy of Being Relevant

Guest Blog by Joel Koblentz

I’ve been privileged to meet and advise very successful leaders from many walks of life many who seem to be lost in the swirl of life without the joy of feeling relevant.

This general theme came up for me about five years ago after reading an article in a major business weekly. While I don’t recall the article specifically, it contained a pie chart, which was divided into four sections representing the answer to a simple question; Do you like your job? The pie chart was divided into four slices…love it, like it, dislike it, hate it. I came away with, “wow.”

The authors queried 4400 people making more than $100,000, some of them making over $1 Million:  The two darkest sectors – dislike and hate – made up almost 75%. I was startled at first and began to reflect about “successful” people I came in contact with, people who had risen to a high echelon running family businesses, or hedge funds, partners in professional firms or private equity firms or running companies.  I began noticing similar kinds of behaviors. 

So I approached a friend that I’ve known since elementary school who is now a psychiatrist.  I asked him what he thought about it:  Most people don’t understand themselves, Joel, he said.

We have our heads down trying to meet our obligations, children, work, civic responsibilities – you make decisions over a long period of time that aren’t truly you.  Before long, you don’t really know who “you” is – so you can’t possibly love your work.

Over the five years since then here are a few things I’ve learned about truly successful people – the other 25% who know themselves well.

1. The different aspects of their lives are connected.  They integrate the professional, the personal and what they do in their community.  Most successful people don’t try to fit themselves into different roles – they make what they do fit with who they are.
   
2. Most truly successful people are honest about their unique talents and interests and seek out cultures that they will find professionally satisfying. They set strong boundaries on what they don’t like doing and are willing to be less than superman/ superwoman. They seek assistance and rarely stand alone except when they must lead and make “the” important decisions. Because they truly know themselves, most have no fear of change nor of knowing what they don’t know.
   
3. The best leaders aren’t the people who read 200 leadership books every year, but the ones who have learned something about themselves, and lead with that.  People who are really successful exhibit curiosity, which can’t be taught.  They have learned a process of discovery. Books are written about their successes. They did it their way with respect, tolerance of different views, with ethics, and with very high expectations of themselves and those to whom they are responsible.
   
4. Genuinely successful leaders don’t need to tell everybody what they know and how smart and successful they are. In fact, the most successful are those among us who practice their craft with discipline and passion. And they realize that they need others to help them succeed, repaying gladly those that assisted. They are thankful and humble, never greedy or especially self serving in any respect.  Successful people are explorers and connectors constantly look at context from different points of view. 

I’ve know many professionals who looked forward eagerly to retirement, away from the stress of work. When they step out, their firm goes on.  And every day they are away from their professional colleagues they become a less important part of what they’ve done most of their lives. They discover to their dismay that the stress levels they had on the job are much less than the stress level of being irrelevant.  Had they invested in knowing themselves perhaps they would have made their work fit themselves, and turned daily stress into elements of satisfaction and accomplishments.  

It seems to me that when you have creativity, confidence and curiosity, doors open. People who are really successful aren’t afraid of that – they aren’t afraid of what they don’t know about themselves, and are willing to follow their curiosity to find out.

As I write this I’m about to depart to Bucks County Pennsylvania – where there are lavender fields, and old barns and small towns and where individualism is prized.  I love it there because I’ve been going for years and no one has asked me what I do for a living.  

In big cities like Atlanta everyone identifies you with what you do. 

Is that how you wished to be defined. Is that how you define yourself? I hope not!

A friend tells a story about meeting with Griffin Bell, the former Attorney General, who was sitting with his feet propped up on his desk  when his assistant informed him that “the White House is calling.”  Bell picked up the phone and curtly announced  “I don’t talk to buildings, I only talk to people.” and promptly hung up.

He was a man who knew who he was, and comfortable with his own point of view.  We need more characters like him. By the way, under it all, we are all characters!

In the 1980’s, King and Spalding, the venerable Atlanta law firm, had about 30-40 partners, and every one of them was a character and very different in personality. Yet, their different personalities…encouraged… but commonality of values and ethics led the firm to the very top. Bell had just returned from Washington, another partner was an ex-marine, another was writing a humor column for the Atlanta newspaper, and so on…all very successful and sought out for their advice, judgment and counsel. Their clients knew each Partner’s point of view was genuine and honest. As a group, certainly the intellect and experience was known. Yet, it was collective wisdom and individualism that won the day. 

Don’t be afraid to have your own point of view.  If you aren’t sure what you want from your life….explore, discover, be curious. You will be interesting to others and most importantly, you’ll rediscover yourself. Others will tell your story. It’s your journey. Enjoy it!

Build trust! Pay forward! Be whole!

About the author:

Joel M. Koblentz,Senior Partner, The Koblentz Group

jkoblentz@koblentzgroup.com

Joel M. Koblentz is a nationally recognized confidential advisor to boards of directors and chief executives “at the value creation level” for publicly traded companies and private equity concerns. Mr. Koblentz advises corporate boards, their chairmen and chief executive officers on succession and recruitment of new board members, CEOs and executive leadership.  Previously a Senior Partner at Egon Zehnder, a leading global executive search and board of directors’ consultancy, his prior experience also includes senior strategic management and financial positions at Cox Cable Communications (Atlanta) and Tiger International (Atlanta and Los Angeles) Occidental Petroleum (Los Angeles) and senior consultant at Ernst and Young (Los Angeles).  Mr. Koblentz has been named repeatedly as one of Atlanta’s “100 Most Influential.”